We’re rounding out to third base on the college football regular season. (Is using a baseball metaphor illegal in college football context?)

This weekend, four undefeateds (sic) will clash in what is expected to be the biggest weekend of the regular season: No. 1 2 LSU at No. 2 3 Alabama, and No. 4 Penn State vs No. 17… Minnesota?

AND GUESS WHO WILL BE ATTENDING A WEDDING SATURDAY AFTERNOON!?

College football is the greatest sport in the world because it contains silly things like turnover chains, pig calls, and wagons that pose a major rollover risk.

Speaking of, I wonder if the Sooner Schooner had the NTSB-required rollover warnings on its sun visors?

I would like to quote just a small excerpt of a truly glorious plea to the Big Ten Network (Leave Us Be) by a dedicated Illinois fan prior to their game against Wisconsin as 31.5-point underdogs:

I got an email about BTN Tailgate being in Champaign on Saturday. That’s BTN’s own “College Gameday” show where they go to a campus and do a live show at 9:00 am. It was announced before the season that they’d be in Champaign for the Wisconsin game but I forgot about it until this email. Now, it just seems cruel. Why put our faces on TV? Haven’t we suffered enough?

Oh my.

RAH RWE AWW PLAY FOOBAWL RUGH SDRA GAH TIGAHS

Coach O is a national treasure that must be protected at all costs.

You know what’s missing from this year’s College Football campaign? Upsets. REAL upsets. Upsets where the home crowd storms the field because their brains are surging with adrenaline and dopamine and probably alcohol after beating a Top 5 team.

I think the last time that happened in my memory was Syracuse upsetting Clemson in the Carrier Dome.